It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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