there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
