Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
