Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
