It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
