hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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