the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
