Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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