But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
