i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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