Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
