please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
