I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
