Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
