i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
