Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
