with your own penis?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
