Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We are all done wearing pants today
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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