dude i'm inner monologue high
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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