4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Vodka?
Forever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
