ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
