girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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