Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
someone owes me an orgasm
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
