Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
