I think my vagina is haunted
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
