I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
