Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
