In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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