P.S. I can't hear my feet
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
