remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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