I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
