It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
