How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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