Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's the barista slut.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
