This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
