You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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