Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
