Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
