She is in my trunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cut my penus on the lid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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