Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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