Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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