Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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