I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
