____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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