"it" just moved
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
