This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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