Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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