I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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