I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
