Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
