nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
