I'm going to jail i love you
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
