Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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