Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My penis needs a shock collar
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
