my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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