I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
