You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
